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FUNNY JOKE SPONSORED BY BUZZLUCK CASINO - $200 in FREE CHIPS

Discussion in 'CLOSED FORUM CONTESTS' started by belgamo, Jul 6, 2009.

  1. belgamo

    belgamo No Deposit Forum Founder

    We have NINE chips to give out on this one. [​IMG] Post your best jokes for free shot at casino chips courtesy of Buzzluck casino. €50 free chip x2 €25 free chip x2 €10 free chip x5 Open to new and existing players, Sorry No USA25x rollover on slots Max winnings is 5x chip amount To win, you MUST have deposited in the past prior to JULY 24th 2009 at Buzzluck casino. Post your account number with your joke to win.We will pick the 10 best On JULY 24th and then put it up to vote for 5 days to let you the members pick the order of the Top 9 to see who will each receive the chips at BUZZLUCK.Enter as many times as you want but you will only be able to win one chip. -- Edited by belgamo on Thursday 9th of July 2009 07:07:17 AM-- Edited by belgamo on Friday 24th of July 2009 09:16:23 PM
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2014
  2. Percival12

    Percival12 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    OKAY, HERE IS A BIG ONE COMING:"
    "
    Marriage (Part I )"
    "
    Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:"
    "
    'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time"
    I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you."
    I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless"
    I tell you that I won't be home for dinner."
    I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing"
    when I want with my old buddies, and don't you"
    give me a hard time about it."
    Those are my rules. Any comments?'"
    "
    His new bride said:"
    'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'"
    "
    (DARN SHE'S GOOD!)"
    "
    ************************************************"
    Marriage (Part II)"
    "
    Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on th e day of their 40th wedding anniversary!"
    "
    The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone"
    that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'"
    "
    'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone"
    that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'"
    "
    (HE ASKED FOR IT!)"
    "
    *****************************************"
    Marriage (Part III)"
    "
    Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table."
    "
    Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no"
    good in bed either,' and storms out of the house."
    "
    After some time he realizes he was nasty and"
    decides to make amends and rings her up."
    "
    She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'"
    "
    She says, 'I was in bed.'"
    "
    'In bed this early, doing what?'"
    "
    'Getting a second opinion!'"
    "
    (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)"
    "
    *****************************************"
    Marriage (Part IV)"
    "
    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement."
    "
    He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his"
    wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections."
    "
    One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'"
    "
    His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,"
    shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'"
    "
    (RIGHT ON, LADY!)"
    "
    *****************************************"
    THE SILENT TREATMENT"
    "
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home"
    and were giving each other the silent treatment."
    "
    Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife"
    to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight."
    "
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece"
    of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it."
    "
    The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it"
    was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight."
    "
    Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he"
    noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'"
    "
    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests."
    "
    "
  3. Percival12

    Percival12 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Oh, acount is Mouche12 by the way!
  4. metalmaiden420

    metalmaiden420 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Do you know why MERMAIDS where Sea Shells?..........Cause D shells are to big!"
    "
    Black guy, an a White guy and a Mexican guy.. are at the local bar, come closing time, they get to swerving on the road. A Policeman stops them, and say's each of them are going to get a sobriety test... The one that can make a sentence ,, out of the words GREEN,PINK AND YELLOW can go free. "
    The Black guy doesn't come up with anything, So he get's cuffed and stuffed"
    The White guy couldn't come up with one either, So he get's cuffed and stuffed. "
    The Mexican guy say's C When I get home. The phone goes GREEN, I PINK it up an say YELLOW .... "
    "
    P.s. My Mexican Buddie, Told me that joke... .. But no offense I hope would be taken...:)
  5. metalmaiden420

    metalmaiden420 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Lone Ranger is out on the prairie.... A group of bandits catch him and say's .Their going to hang him, Does he have any last requests ? "
    Lone Ranger thinks a min. and say's Well I quit smoking some years back. I think I would enjoy a good cigar . So they lite him one . "
    He takes a big draw off the cigar. and exhales a huge puff of smoke, Then He Deep in hales again, Then exhales two smaller cloud's of smoke"
    SUDDENLY Taunt-to.. Comes racing his horse up, with a BEAUTIFUL NAKED BLOND.."
    Lone Ranger Say's DAM IT TAUNT O... I said POSSE POSSE
  6. metalmaiden420

    metalmaiden420 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    There's these two brothers.. Like most brothers.. Their always competing against the other."
    If one got a Cadillac? The other would go get a Royce.. So one day the oldest brother buys himself a 5000.00 hunting dog.. So the younger brother thinking GREAT NOWWW I have TO GO get a DOG BETTER THEN HIS . "
    Well he's looking in the ad section of the paper, see's a huge ad that say's WORLD'S GREATEST HUNTING DOG "
    So the younger brother shows up a a farmers door. Knocks on the door. The Farmer steps out to the porch. And He says I am here to see about your WORLDS GREATEST HUNTING DOG! "
    So the farmer whistles for the dog, dog comes wagging his tail and goes to the farmer.. The farmer grabs the dog each side of his cheeks . Shakes from side to side. looks at him and says DAWG DUCKS the dog runs noise to the ground around the property, Comes back and scratches 3 times on the porch... "
    The Brother say's , What's he doing that for The farmers say's Welt hes a tellin me thars 3 ducks out thar The brother with a sarcastic looks says RIGHT . So the farmer reached over on the porch . grab his hunting rifle. an fires a shot into the air... And sure enough 3 ducks came flying up..."
    So the brother then says Well what else can he do ? The farmer reaches over grabs the dog each side of the cheek .going side to side. looking a the dog and says DAWG QUAIL again the dog shots off noise to the ground , sniffs about and runs back to the porch an scratches 4 times on the porch"
    The Brother say's I suppose, now he's telling you there's 4 quail out there? The farmer says That's right and fires off a shot into the air.. and sure enough 4 quail come scurrying out... "
    The brother say's How much ? I will take him farmer says 200.00 brother says No problem and pays the farmer. Then asked the farmer if he could use he's phone. "
    He calls up his older brother and says I GOT THE WORLDS GREATEST HUNTING DOG, MEET ME A MILE FROM FARMER JOHNS IN AN HOUR, AND HE DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO BRING HIS DOG "
    SO they meet up.. The younger brother smiling, says watch THIS grabs the dog by the cheeks and says DAWG DUCKS well the dog shots off out into the timber line. comes running right back with a stick in his mouth and starts humping his leg . he takes the stick out of the dogs mouth. and takes the dog by the cheeks and says again with more command DAWG DUCKS . dog runs into the timber line comes running back again with a stick in his moth and starts humping his leg... His Older brother is just laughing his ass off.. So the other brother. takes the stick away. and shots the dog.. But uses his brothers cell phone to call the farmer. and says I WANT MY MONEY BACK .. farmer say's Why? whats wrong ? He says well I did like you did . I grab the dog by the cheeks , I say Dawg ducks he goen off in the timber line. brings me back a stick. starts humping my leg.. my brother laughing at me. so I try it again.. and the dog did it again. brings me a stick and humping my leg So I shot'em.. the farmer say's You just wasn't reading the signs right He was trying to tell you there's more f***king ducks out there. then you can shake a stick at "
    "
    P.s I typed that whole thing.. no copy and paste.. lol
  7. metalmaiden420

    metalmaiden420 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Ok let's see If anyone can get the MORAL of the story I will check back and give the answer:"
    "
    "
    There's a group of people out sailing on a yacht, (like Gilligan's Island ) and a big storm blows in an ship wreck the group on an Island, The natives come out to greet them on the beach and say you can stay here, but Foo bird runs this island. You make foo bird mad? Foo bird put big curse on you "
    Well the group was thinking Right some totem pool ? probably "
    Well all went well for about two weeks, Then one day a HUGE SHADOW comes over the horizon. (was the foo bird ) and crap on one of these guy's head... The natives say no washy off no washy off, curse of foo bird, no washy off well another two weeks go by and this guy was still walking around with this crap on his head."
    He couldn't stand it no more. Finally went down to the lagoon,And wash's it off, And he die's"
    What's the Moral to the story?
  8. metalmaiden420

    metalmaiden420 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Big brown bear walks into a bar, Ask's the bartender for a drink. The bartender say's We don't serve bears beer in this bar . The bear say's look man I ain't gonna cause no trouble. all I want is a drink. The bartender say's again Look man we don't serve bear's beer in this bar , The bear say's Well that really pisses me off. You see that girl over in the corner . The bartender say's yah . the bear say's I am gonna chew her limb from limb if you don't serve me a beer The bartender just rolls his eye's and shines him on an say's ' LOOK we don't serve bears in this bar! . The bear get's up off his set. walks over, grabs the girl and chews her limb to limb. Bartender freaks out an calls the cops. Cop's come rushing down and arrest the bear. The bear say's So what's the charges The cops say DRUGS the say's DRUGS the cop say's yah that was a bar bitch you ate
  9. metalmaiden420

    metalmaiden420 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    What does Sodom Hussein and panty hose have in common? They both irritate the bush"
    "
    why does the Easter bunny hide his egges? cause he doesn't want everybody know he's screwing chickens"
    "
    "
    "
  10. metalmaiden420

    metalmaiden420 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Oh yah .. By the way I am just tellin Jokes. I never deposited at the above casino.. So I wouldn't qualify..
  11. unsoughtpoet

    unsoughtpoet WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    lol neither will I...no qualify ! But here's the best joke ever!"
    "
    Four Potatoes walk into a Bar....."
    Which one is the prostitute?"
    "
    "
    "
    The one that say's IDAHO!"
    "
    I DA HOE "
    get it? lol
  12. metalmaiden420

    metalmaiden420 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    That is a good Joke. Especially . I live in I da ho. lol"
    "
    But the moral of the story. joke. I told. The answer is : If the Foo Shits? Where it.. lol
  13. queenmap

    queenmap WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    LMAO metalmaiden! [​IMG] Good one! Keep the jokes coming! 
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014
  14. Booo73

    Booo73 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.  Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.  He asked one man, Why are you eating grass?   We don't have any money for food, the poor man replied.  We have to eat grass.   Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you, the lawyer said.   But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.   Bring them along, the lawyer replied.  Turning to the other poor man he stated,  You come with us, also. The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!   Bring them all, as well, the lawyer answered.  They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.   The lawyer replied, Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high Buzzluck ID is Booo73 -- Edited by ohbhave on Thursday 16th of July 2009 10:25:06 AM
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014
  15. Booo73

    Booo73 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    The doctor after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'    The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. 'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't good. I have cancer, So let's head to the club and have a martini.'    After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two  were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'    The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.    After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered,    'Mom, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?    'Because I don't want any of those bit**es sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'    And THAT, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'Buzzluck ID is Booo73
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2014
  16. tweety65

    tweety65 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    I'm not eligible for contest, but i thought this one was really funny.A red head tells her blonde sister she slept with a brazillian man. The blonde says, OH MY GOD! U SLUT! How many is a brazillion? [​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014
  17. cheriefoo

    cheriefoo NEW MEMBER

    A little Red Indian Boy, curious at how he and his siblings got their name, turn to ask his Dad. Dad, how did we get our names? The Red Indian father turns to his son and explains, Well, son.. When your sister was born, I saw a cloud drifting. So I named her Drifting Cloud.When your brother was born, I saw a wolf running. So I named his Running Wolf..... So what's your problem, Fucking Dog?
  18. ohbhave

    ohbhave WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    okay, i'm not entering, but here goes:"
    "
    q. how can you recognize ronald mcdonald on a nudist beach? "
    a. sesame seed buns!"
    "
    q. what do the starship enterprise and toilet paper have in common?"
    a. they both circle around uranus looking for klingons!"
    "
    q. what do tiger woods and princess diana have in common?"
    a. they both need a better driver!
  19. irisse

    irisse MEMBER

    I give a try let see....A woman ask his husban , why you are always standing in front of the window when i singning ?The husband respond, oh my dear it is just because i dont want that our neighbor think that i beat you !my account is :  irisse         thanks for the contest i live alone with daughter and little dog make me a good time to read the joke here and on internet it is good
  20. irisse

    irisse MEMBER

    This is not the best but lets have a little fun :  Two friends, Harry and Potter, went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when his allotted money was gone, he would go set on the bench and wait for the other to finish.Potter quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He waited and waited and waited some more. After what seemed an eternity, he saw Harry coming toward him carrying a huge sack of coins. Hey, Potter, said Harry, how'd you do? Well, Harry , said Potter, you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though. Oh yeah, said Harry, did I ever find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! Every time you put in a buck four quarters come out! my casino id:  irisse
  21. irisse

    irisse MEMBER

    some of you are going to know this one but lets give a try:A man was quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. What was that for? he says. That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it , she replies. Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on , he explains. She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes to, he says, What the hell was that for? Your horse phoned.  casino id:   irisse
  22. bczoom513

    bczoom513 NEW MEMBER

    1)  Which day of the week do fish hate?.......FRY-DAY2)   A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it. Impossible! says the doctor. Show me. The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more. She pushes her stomach and screams and then she pushes her ankle and screams even louder. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, You're not really a redhead, are you? Well, no she said, I'm actually a blonde. I thought so, the doctor said. Your finger is broken. 3) A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: And what do you think is the best thing about being 104? She simply replied, No peer pressure. Buzzluck Account = BCZOOM513
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2014
  23. queenmap

    queenmap WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    LMAO...good ones! Keep them coming, as I enjoy reading them all.
  24. Percival12

    Percival12 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Okay one more:The Real Meaning Behind Personal Ad Abreviations Most people have at least once in their lives, read through the singles classified ads. Perhaps wondering what type of person is behind the ad. Maybe some of you have even answered some of them. Well for those of you that have tried to figure out what those descriptions really mean, one of our subscribers has done it for you! The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads: FIRST THE ADS FROM WOMEN 40-ish.................. 48 Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will Athletic................ Flat-chested Average looking......... Ugly Beautiful............... Pathological liar Contagious Smile........ Bring your penicillin Educated................ College dropout Emotionally Secure...... Medicated Feminist................ Fat; ball buster Free spirit............. Substance user Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut Fun..................... Annoying Gentle.................. Comatose Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic New-Age................. All body hair, all the time Old-fashioned........... Lights out, missionary position only Open-minded............. Desperate Outgoing................ Loud Passionate.............. Loud Poet.................... Depressive Schizophrenic Professional............ Real Witch Redhead................. Shops the Clairol section Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat Romantic................ Looks better by candle light Voluptuous.............. Very Fat Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking Widow................... Nagged first husband to death Young at heart.......... Toothless crone THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST 40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack Good looking............ Arrogant Honest.................. Pathological Liar Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent Mature.................. Until you get to know him Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested Physically fit.......... Spenda a lot of time in front of the mirror admiring myself Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested Thoughtful.............. Says Please when demanding a beer
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014
  25. vacant1

    vacant1 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Lottery Guy A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate he decides to ask God for help.He begins to pray... God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery. Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays... God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well. Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.Once again, he prays... My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order. Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket. rfver00116244
  26. Booo73

    Booo73 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    If you hear a loud rumble  in the sky for the next few nights don't worry. It's not thunder. It's Elvis beatin' the crap out of Michael Jackson for marrying his daughter.[​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014
  27. Felicie

    Felicie WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    I sure would hate to have to pick the best. You guys are so frickin funny! (stole the Brazilian to send to my blond daughter) [​IMG]We need to definitely keep this thread going right guys?  [​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014
  28. vacant1

    vacant1 WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    sorry put redflush id instead of buzzlucksbuzzluck -- thebizbthanks
  29. ohbhave

    ohbhave WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    YOU MUST GET YOUR ENTRIES IN ASAP, TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO GET YOUR ENTRIES IN -- Edited by ohbhave on Friday 24th of July 2009 03:47:32 PM
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014
  30. queenmap

    queenmap WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014

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