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Old People Jokes

Discussion in 'JOKES' started by cambaby2, Jun 10, 2015.

  1. cambaby2

    cambaby2 MEMBER

    ROMANCE

    Barb was lying in bed one night. Al was falling asleep but Barb wasin a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said:
    "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

    Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

    A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...”

    Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

    Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."

    Angrily, Al threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

    "Where are you going?" Barb asked..

    "To get my teeth!"
    ____________________________________

    DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

    80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces,
    "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

    An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

    Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
    _____________________________________

    OLD FRIENDS

    Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
    Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

    One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long
    time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

    Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

    Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"
    _____________________________________

    SENIOR DRIVING

    As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
    "Vernon, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-25. Please be careful!"

    "Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
    _____________________________________

    SUPERSEX

    A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

    As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair,
    flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

    He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
    _____________________________________

    DRIVING

    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to
    major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.

    The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
    After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.
    The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
    She was getting nervous.

    At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said,
    "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

    Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
    Mben and Sookie like this.
  2. Sookie

    Sookie Mother of Cats

    "I'll take the soup!" :laughhard:

    Great jokes cambaby - thanks!
  3. Mben

    Mben No Deposit Forum Admin Staff Member

    Those were funny! Thanks for the laughs! [​IMG]
    Sookie likes this.
  4. Steven Hill

    Steven Hill NEW MEMBER

    The jokes were simply amazing and thanks for giving us huge laughs. The one about senior driving was fabulous and I felt like rolling on the floor laughing after reading this. :biglol: :banana:
    Mben and Sookie like this.
  5. cambaby2

    cambaby2 MEMBER

    lol Awesome I have an endless supply, I love to laugh :)
    Mben and Sookie like this.

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