Dear God, let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:1. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house not after.2. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.3. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.5. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise it's usually not a good thing.6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.7. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reach in for mom's driver's license and registration.8. Sticking my nose in someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.9. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.10. I will not munch on 'leftovers' in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.11. I will not roll on dead seagull, fish, etc. just because I like the way they smell.12. I will not play tag-of-war with dad's underware when he's on the toilet.13. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat or after they throw it up.14. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my balls when we have company. P.S. Dear God, when I get to heaven may I have my testicles back?
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