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joke for us ....something different

Discussion in 'JOKES' started by Chars, Oct 17, 2008.

  1. Chars


    <table border="2" bgcolor="#c8e1cf" width="600" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> Bill Gates Chooses Heaven or Hell Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hell. Petrus says: You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you. You may choose heaven or hell . Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table. Bill takes a look in hell and sees really beautiful women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling. So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hell! Once in hell, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire. So Bill says : hey, what the hell is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sex? The devil says: 'That was just a demo version. <img src="http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/biggrin.gif" alt="biggrin" title="biggrin" /><table border="2" bgcolor="#c8e1cf" width="600" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> Honey, I'm Home Two men were at the Casino and were just leaving to go home at 3:00 a.m.Man1: You know what I hate about this? When I go home. I turn off my headlights, turn off the engine, and coast into the driveway. Then I go to the front door, take off my shoes and sneak in as quietly as I can. But my wife always wakes up and we end up having a fight.Man2: What I do instead is drive into the driveway, honk the horn a few times, get out of the car, slam the door, go in the house and slam the door. Then I yell Honey, I'm home, run upstairs, slap her on the ass and say, How about a little love, woman? She never even moves. <img src="http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/smile.gif" alt="smile" title="smile" /> <table border="2" bgcolor="#c8e1cf" width="600" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> 10 Things in Golf that sound Dirty 1. Look at the size of his putter2. Oh shit my shafts all bent3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker4. After 18 holes I can barely walk5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip6. Lift your head and spread your legs7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired8. Just turn your back and drop it9. Hold up.. I've got to wash my balls10. Damn, I missed the hole again <table border="2" bgcolor="#c8e1cf" width="600" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> 10 Signs You Are Obsessed With Online Gambling 1. You go to a hockey game and wonder what happened to the dealers and boxman.2. When an ambulance passes with flashing lights, you assume someone hit a hand pay. 3. When your kid says math came easy today, you ask if it was a 4,6,8 or 10.4. You go into a shoe store and ask if they have 4, 6, or 8 deck.5. When your English professor says the author made his point; you ask if he pressed or not.6. You hear the bible story where Lazarus is told to Come out , and you ask for a 2-way C & E.7. You show up early at the bakery to take advantage of the hot rolls.8. You wonder if a salad shooter is really a gambling device.9. When the bartender asks if you want a double , you say not against an ace.10. You go into a 7-11 and ask to play the don't. <img src="http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/biggrin.gif" alt="biggrin" title="biggrin" /><img src="http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/furious.gif" alt="furious" title="furious" />-- Edited by charsanddarrell at 18:13, 2008-10-17
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2014
  2. Sookie

    Sookie Mother of Cats

    Those are great charsanddarrell! Thank you for sharing! I loved the one about the 2 men leaving casino!! LOL
  3. nancy

    nancy Guest

    These are kind of funny:A patient says, Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life. <img src="http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/biggrin.gif" alt="biggrin" title="biggrin" />TEXAN: Where are you from? HARVARD GRAD: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions. TEXAN: OK - where are you from, jackass? [​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014

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