LIVING WILL FORM I,____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least one of the following: ______a Martini, ______a Margarita, ____ a Scotch and soda, ______a Bloody Mary, ______a Gin and Tonic, _______a Glass of Chardonnay, ______ a glass of Yuengling Lager from the tap, a Steak______Lobster or crab legs______, The remote control ______, a bowl of ice cream______, The sports page, ______Sex, ______or Chocolate: It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral and to ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had. Signature:_____________________________ Date: _____ NOTE: I also hear that in North Yorkshire, England they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier, and they have a lot more visitors. Some of them don't even need embalming when their time comes. If anyone knows the name of this happy place, PLEASE pass it on!
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