1. I can't find it. MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless. 2. That's women's work. MEANS: It's difficult, dirty and thankless. 3. Will you marry me? MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer and there's no peanut butter left. 4. It's a guy thing. MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected to it and you have no chance at all of making it logical. 5. Can I help with dinner? MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table? 6. It would take too long to explain. MEANS: I have no idea how it works. 7. I'm getting more exercise lately. MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead. 8. We're going to be late. MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac. 9. Take a break, honey, you're working too hard. MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner. 10. That's interesting dear. MEANS: Are you still talking? 11. Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love. MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again. 12. You expect too much from me. MEANS: You expect me to stay awake? 13. It's really a good movie. MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars and lots of women. 14. You know how bad my memory is. MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday. 15. I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses. MEANS: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe. 16. Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal. MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt. 17. Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing. MEANS: What did you catch me at? 18. She's one of those rabid feminists. MEANS: She refused to make my coffee. 19. I heard you. MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me. 20. You know I could never love anyone else. MEANS: I am used to the way you nag at me, and realize it could be worse. 21. You really look terrific in that outfit. MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving. 22. I brought you a present. MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the hockey game. 23. I missed you. MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper. 24. I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are. MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again. 25. This relationship is getting too serious. MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck. 26. I don't need to read the instructions. MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.