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Gambling Jokes

Discussion in 'JOKES' started by ohbhave, Feb 10, 2009.

  1. ohbhave


    TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR 10-YEAR-OLD SON MAY BE GAMBLING: 10. He's been rolling his brother's blocks & yelling 7-come-eleven! 9. His backyard merry-go-'round has the numbers 1 thru 36 written on it, plus a 0 and a 00.8. When playing Go Fish he tried to double down.7. He posted a line on his fourth grade spelling bee.6. While the rest of his classmates are learning multiplication tables, he's already ableto convert money lines into must-win percentages.5. The Flamingo sent him free airline tickets.4. The last time your family ate at McDonald's it was comped.3. He recently purchased a $2,000 sport coat.2. He knows wayyyy too much about NFL yards-per-point differentials. And the No.1 sign your 10-year-old may be gambling... 1. He's dating a stripper.*****************************************************************Two gamblers are talking. One just won & the other just lost: My wife has got the worst memory I ever heard of. Forgets your winnings, huh? No; remembers all my losses. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------A blackjack dealer and a player with a 13 count in his hand were debating whether or not it's appropriate to tip the dealer.The player claimed, When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Likewise, when I'm dealt good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it, so why should I tip him? The dealer replied with, When you dine out, do you tip the waiter? Yes. Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you ought to tip me. Alright, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------It's said that with gamblers, a fool and his money are soon parted.What I'd like to know is how did the fool and his money get together in the first place?-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------I'm going to the casino tonight and I hope I break even. I need the money.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How is a casino like a woman? A: Liquor in the front, poker in the back!-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What is the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?A: In a casino, you really mean it!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How can you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the word f*ck?A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------A man rushes into his home and yells to his wife, Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery! Martha replies, Should I pack for warm weather or cold? The man responds, I don't care. Just as long as you are out of the house by noon! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------A woman was inside a casino for the very first time. The spinning ball of the roulette wheel has always caught her eye. She decides to play at the roulette table but says, I have no idea which number to play. A young, handsome man close by suggests she play her age. Smiling at the man, she places her money on number 29. The wheel is spun, and 36 comes up. The smile drifts from the woman's face & she faints.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dearest John,I've been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Can't you forgive and forget?Your absence is breaking my heart. I was an idiot - nobody can take your place. I love you.All my love, Belinda. xxxxoooxxxxP.S. Congrats on winning this week's lottery.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Marriage Bet The touching tale of the young man who said to his girlfriend, I bet you'll never marry me. The story goes that she not only called his bet but she raised him 5!
  2. Sookie

    Sookie Mother of Cats

    <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37VUzXR-COs" >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37VUzXR-COs </a>
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014
  3. Sookie

    Sookie Mother of Cats

    [video=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37VUzXR-COs]funny and true

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