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Discussion in 'JOKES' started by omeg, Sep 22, 2010.

  1. omeg

    omeg NEW MEMBER

      To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.Dear Dogs and Cats , The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.Beating me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.  If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:   To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:   1. They live here.  You don't.2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it fur niture.)3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.4. To you, it's an animal.  To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:1. Eat less2. Don't ask for money all the time3 Are easier to train4. Normally come when called5. Never ask to drive the car6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends7. Don't smoke or drink8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions9. Don't want to wear your clothes10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...   11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.....[​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2014
  2. unsoughtpoet

    unsoughtpoet WELL KNOWN MEMBER

  3. Pokerhontas

    Pokerhontas WELL KNOWN MEMBER

    Good one, Love it!!"
    and...if they get pregnant, you can sell thier children. LMAO
  4. omeg

    omeg NEW MEMBER

    Thats the exact one I cracked up at too. [​IMG]Thanks for reading....                                                                                        Pam 
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2014
  5. Arnold31

    Arnold31 Banned

    Thanks for posting such cute things)
  6. omeg

    omeg NEW MEMBER

     :roll::roll: You are so welcome .
  7. Avitonn

    Avitonn Banned

    Nice post! Thanks

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